Church...or the lack thereof
I consider myself a lifelong Christian and someone who truly loves his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Yet, for the last couple of years I've had a really difficult time attending church. The problem is that I just don't feel that I'm getting much out of it.
Now, the conservative Catholic bloggers I read on a normal basis would say that my problem is that I'm focusing on feelings, and the Mass isn't about feeling. And, intellectually, I know they're correct. But what am I supposed to do when I don't believe that I'm growing and maturing spiritually by my attendance at Mass.
Perhaps this all goes back to my upbringing as a United Methodist. I don't know.
I feel the need to attend a Methodist Church, if only to see whether this trouble is confined to Catholicism or other strains of Christianity for me. The problem is, though, that I simply can't stomach the liberal leanings of the Protestants I've found thus far in the North.
The liberal, welcoming, rainbow flying Protestant chuches I've come across both here in NY state and in Boston, just don't mesh with my southern understanding of Protestantism. They may as well not be Christians...well, perhaps that's a little harsh.
The other problem I have with Protestantism is that I've truly come to believe what the Catholic Church teaches. Even when I have gone out and attended a Protestant service, I just have this big rock in my gut, because I know I believe something they don't.
Which leads me back to feeling I have no spiritual home and leaves me sitting at home on Sunday's when I should be at Church (never mind the whole mortal sin problem).
What do I do? Where should I turn? I just don't know?